ADD Isn't Working For Me

I think it's time to set a word count goal for myself again. 

I have so many projects going on right now, I need a tangible goal every week. That is what I did with my first book and it worked so amazingly well, I actually ended up exceeding the lofty goal week after week until the book was finished, but I needed that incentive. 

I want to be dedicating myself full-time to everything right now...my first book's release, my memoir, my new book and the other project I'm working on that will coincide with my memoir and I'm not actually giving anything the full attention it deserves. Since I don't have an agent, I do have to do everything myself and I'm not able to juts focus on little parts of each project, which is difficult. Many established writers can just focus on their writing or promotions. I have to do the proposal, writing, editing, cover designs, marketing packages and advertising, all on my own...which in this stage also includes researching and figuring out how that works in this industry. So, it's a lot of work...and don't get me wrong...I chose this path...I'm not complaining, I'm just wishing I had more hours in the day and more answers more quickly. But, when all is said and done, I will be glad I did it this way because I'll truly know my industry and my market...it's just hard right now :)

That being said, I don't mind being on the hamster wheel at all, I just need to pick a wheel and be on ONE of them instead of trying to be on four of them at the same time. I think perhaps I should finish the release of my first book, which might take another month or so and then work on either the memoir and accompanying package or move on to dedicate myself to the next fiction novel at that time. I also think the quality of my writing will be stronger if I am doing that because I do much better when I am really intensely focused on something.

I guess that is the plan :) Maybe today my blog did serve as sort of a journal! I am going to sign off right now and work on the final stages of prepping my novel for Kindle release (the research, the marketing, etc.) and I will keep you all updated on what the next phase will be...not sure if I feel more passionate about memoir or fiction after that, but I will let my heart decide when I am at that point...that's kind of the way of the writer, anyway! 

Weeding Out

When I first started this blog, I promised myself that I would be 100% honest with everything that I put up here. That is why I have posted my rejection letters, that is why I have vented my frustrations or shared on the days that I am feeling more optimistic...and I will continue to do that.

So, in the spirit of honesty, I haven't written anything in almost two days. That goes for this blog, which I'm sure many of you have noticed, as well as my writing outside of the blog (my novels, poetry, memoir, etc.). I had a lot of thoughts swirling inside of my head with things I wanted to write, but I just didn't feel like writing, which is extremely unusual for me.

It's not that I don't know why, either.

Writing is a tough gig. I'm going to be honest about that, too. Sure there are some people who know the right people or who possibly get lucky...not that they're not good writers, but in this business, it seems that getting your stuff in front of the right people is 90% of the battle and writing is only the other 10%. For the rest of us, though, we have to keep writing new stuff and keep whoring ourselves out to any media outlet or literary connection we can find with the hope that the right pair of eyes will see it and like it. It isn't always fun...in fact, it never really is. The only fun part is the writing...the 10%...so in all truthfulness, 90% of being a writer really isn't very fun at all.

I suppose it's just about loving the other 10% THAT much where you are fulfilled enough by it to push through the rest-- the part that is the demeaning, ego-destroying, hope and dream-crushing process that is trying to get your writing recognized. In the end, I've realized that the ones who endure are those who are writing for the love of writing...and that like most other things, this might all just be a weeding out process.

That being the case, I'm in it for the long-haul...I write because I love to write...even if I have to do something on the side...even if it's another ten years before I get published or if my writing never gets recognized, I'm never going to stop writing because that will mean I've clamped the valve that flows from my soul.

What is the take-away from this blog? I'm not sure if I was convincing myself that it is ok to keep pushing through for what you love when the going gets tough or if I was writing it for someone else out there who might be in the same position and feeling the same way...or perhaps both.

So, to that person...if you're out there...Let's make a deal...Do what you love, and so will I :)

Pursuing Your Passion

It's funny, I was at a party this weekend (the party that ended up being my sister's engagement party) and I had always kind of been quiet at parties. I never wanted people to ask me what I did for a living because I wasn't happy about it (I was originally heading to law school and then I was a corporate analyst). I either avoided the question altogether or answered very abruptly and changed the subject whenever I was asked because I felt like I spent enough time doing that stuff during the week, I didn't want to waste another second of my free time, the time that I should be enjoying myself, talking about something that made me so miserable.

I had even kind of flip-flopped the past few years being afraid to really commit myself to writing or my creative side in general, being worried that if it didn't work out, I still needed to cling on to that corporate, cubicle-dwelling part of myself just as a safety net. I even kept my "business wardrobe" hidden away in boxes because if I "didn't get a book deal" I thought I would need it.

So answering the "what do you do?" question was always something I dreaded. I almost wanted to tell people  that I was writing, but had the cubicle "plan B" in my back pocket just in case, so I wouldn't lose their respect...because I had some fallacy that it was contingent upon that.

Well, now that I'm finally doing something that I love, writing, I find that I love answering that question and I actually get more respect when I just end the sentence there..."I'm writing and I love every second of it!"

I look forward to the question now.  In fact, sometimes it's all I want to talk about :) At one point during the party, I was talking to this sweet girl that my sister works with and I said in my head "ok, SHUT UP about the writing, already!!" --which was probably some rudimentary form of mind reading because I guarantee she was thinking the same thing, but she was too nice to say anything :)

It was so neat, though, because I even found other people at the party who were similar to me. Honestly, I had always kind of had trouble finding my "niche" of friends because the people I was "supposed" to be hanging out with (the other corporate people) I just never really fit in with. So, I would try to hang out with them and it just never really felt right.

Now that I'm finally pursuing what does feel right, though, I'm gravitating more toward people who are similar to me. In fact, I met the coolest person at the party who does make-up for a living and she was the most fun, outgoing person ever. I kept thinking "why haven't I been hanging out with people like her all these years?"

I guess it's because I've been denying that part of myself even to myself this whole time. I've been trying to be the corporate, left-brained person and trying to fit "that" stereotype and not letting myself be the more creative/artistic person that I am who surrounds themselves with people who are more right-brained...who, as it turns out, I get along with REALLY well :)

Not that there is anything wrong with people in the corporate world, it's just not for me. As it turns out, I'm "one of those creative people" :)

Halloween and My First "Book"

With Halloween approaching quickly (it was just summer--how did that happen?), I was thinking about the first "book" I ever wrote :)

I always had a passion for writing...I used to write poetry even as a very young child...in fact, I wrote some poems that were so intense, I think my parents might have wondered what the heck was going on in that little head of mine. Often, I would watch Jerry Springer and being so young that I actually believed the storylines, and so sensitive that I felt bad for the people, I would often write poems about the pain I thought they were feeling... had the scenarios been real...and I was like seven :)

So anyway, my first book was around that same time. Technically, I guess I could say that means I've been a novel writer for over twenty years...nevermind, that makes me feel old! I'll go with when I wrote my first REAL novel, which was two years ago...there, that feels much better.

I was SO proud of my little book, though. I actually illustrated it, too, which I'm happy to highlight...even if prospective agents or publishers are reading this is NOT my strong point. I drew a little witch and I think there was a dog/dinosaur looking thing that popped up on every few pages, but the story was mainly about the witch, so by about the fifteenth page, I had that drawing nailed. I actually remember most of the story, but....and I'm sorry if the suspense becomes too much...I'm going to try to dig it up because my Mother is Italian, so something tells me it's still in a drawer somewhere :)

I guess the point I'm trying to make is that I've always known what I wanted to do...it just took me awhile to get the courage to finally commit to going down that path and not looking back. If I do find this story and post it, you will also see that I had passion at a young age, but I wasn't necessarily a prodigy...let's just say if I post this story, it will be for the same reason I posted that disaster of a rejection letter...to make you smile and for no other reason :)