It's funny, I was at a party this weekend (the party that ended up being my sister's engagement party) and I had always kind of been quiet at parties. I never wanted people to ask me what I did for a living because I wasn't happy about it (I was originally heading to law school and then I was a corporate analyst). I either avoided the question altogether or answered very abruptly and changed the subject whenever I was asked because I felt like I spent enough time doing that stuff during the week, I didn't want to waste another second of my free time, the time that I should be enjoying myself, talking about something that made me so miserable.
I had even kind of flip-flopped the past few years being afraid to really commit myself to writing or my creative side in general, being worried that if it didn't work out, I still needed to cling on to that corporate, cubicle-dwelling part of myself just as a safety net. I even kept my "business wardrobe" hidden away in boxes because if I "didn't get a book deal" I thought I would need it.
So answering the "what do you do?" question was always something I dreaded. I almost wanted to tell people that I was writing, but had the cubicle "plan B" in my back pocket just in case, so I wouldn't lose their respect...because I had some fallacy that it was contingent upon that.
Well, now that I'm finally doing something that I love, writing, I find that I love answering that question and I actually get more respect when I just end the sentence there..."I'm writing and I love every second of it!"
I look forward to the question now. In fact, sometimes it's all I want to talk about :) At one point during the party, I was talking to this sweet girl that my sister works with and I said in my head "ok, SHUT UP about the writing, already!!" --which was probably some rudimentary form of mind reading because I guarantee she was thinking the same thing, but she was too nice to say anything :)
It was so neat, though, because I even found other people at the party who were similar to me. Honestly, I had always kind of had trouble finding my "niche" of friends because the people I was "supposed" to be hanging out with (the other corporate people) I just never really fit in with. So, I would try to hang out with them and it just never really felt right.
Now that I'm finally pursuing what does feel right, though, I'm gravitating more toward people who are similar to me. In fact, I met the coolest person at the party who does make-up for a living and she was the most fun, outgoing person ever. I kept thinking "why haven't I been hanging out with people like her all these years?"
I guess it's because I've been denying that part of myself even to myself this whole time. I've been trying to be the corporate, left-brained person and trying to fit "that" stereotype and not letting myself be the more creative/artistic person that I am who surrounds themselves with people who are more right-brained...who, as it turns out, I get along with REALLY well :)
Not that there is anything wrong with people in the corporate world, it's just not for me. As it turns out, I'm "one of those creative people" :)
