Gone But Not Forgotten

I haven't been forgetting to blog, I've just been insanely busy! I'm getting the book ready to release on Kindle and it's quite a process...but it's fun!

More updates to come very soon :)

Back to The Grind!

So, I got out of the daily posting groove for awhile and I really did miss it! I actually wasn't writing very much at all during that time. I was working on another creative endeavor, which was fine, but there is something about being able to look back at the end of the day and see the pages you've written or visualize the progress you've made in the timeline of a story that is extremely rewarding.  I realized that no matter what I'm doing, I need to write every single day. Other things in my life suffer when I don't. It just helps me get into a better head space overall...so that's what I'm doing :)

A quick update on where things are at. I think that rejection from that agent bummed me out a little more than I was willing to admit...even to myself. That is another reason why I didn't write for a little while. It's not that I am giving up, I just got really disillusioned with the whole process...write a book and it sits on your computer getting rejection after rejection after rejection. So, I figured, what's the point in writing more?

The more I think about it, though, it would be so easy to just say "I would be really successful if I was already successful...." and that isn't the right way to go about this. Of course I would write a lot if I was a successful writer and people were paying me millions of dollars to write....but people don't just get careers like that handed to them (well, maybe some do, but they are few and far between). I hope to get to that point some day, and I don't even need to be making millions of dollars, but I would like to be a successful writer and be paid for my creativity...and I know what that means...I have to work for it. Nobody is going to hand this career to me, so I'm going to pound some pavement...I guess the metaphorical translation of that would be pounding the keyboard...or not :) Whatever, I'm going to go write!

I'm Back and I Posted A Video!

Sorry I haven't been blogging for the last week or so, I was bogged down with some other projects and such, but I'm BACK and I posted a proof of life video :)

Finally Posting a Poem :)

If you are new to reading the blog... I will post the warning again...my poems are dark (I'm not a depressed person, it's just freeing to tap into other people's emotions and utilize the full creative spectrum). So, you've been warned :) But this is one I wrote over the weekend because I had just read an article about a mental institution and I was wondering what the people inside of those places felt like. Enjoy!!

Pain and suffering pounce at the door

They ooze through your skin-- from the walls, from the floor

The stark monotony of the halls and the cells

Where “commitment” means shackles and not wedding bells

Locks and bars cannot prohibit

Malicious intent against oneself

And pharmaceutical drugs cannot inhibit

The soul’s regretful journey

Through its own cranial hell

They battle through life—

Every torturous breath

While freedom for them

Lives only in death

So these talking heads
Lay in hospital beds---

It’s not safe where they lie

It’s not safe where they hide…

Scared to be together, terrified of being alone,

They’ve nowhere to stay, but nowhere to go--

Nowhere to stay, but nowhere to go…

ADD Isn't Working For Me

I think it's time to set a word count goal for myself again. 

I have so many projects going on right now, I need a tangible goal every week. That is what I did with my first book and it worked so amazingly well, I actually ended up exceeding the lofty goal week after week until the book was finished, but I needed that incentive. 

I want to be dedicating myself full-time to everything right now...my first book's release, my memoir, my new book and the other project I'm working on that will coincide with my memoir and I'm not actually giving anything the full attention it deserves. Since I don't have an agent, I do have to do everything myself and I'm not able to juts focus on little parts of each project, which is difficult. Many established writers can just focus on their writing or promotions. I have to do the proposal, writing, editing, cover designs, marketing packages and advertising, all on my own...which in this stage also includes researching and figuring out how that works in this industry. So, it's a lot of work...and don't get me wrong...I chose this path...I'm not complaining, I'm just wishing I had more hours in the day and more answers more quickly. But, when all is said and done, I will be glad I did it this way because I'll truly know my industry and my market...it's just hard right now :)

That being said, I don't mind being on the hamster wheel at all, I just need to pick a wheel and be on ONE of them instead of trying to be on four of them at the same time. I think perhaps I should finish the release of my first book, which might take another month or so and then work on either the memoir and accompanying package or move on to dedicate myself to the next fiction novel at that time. I also think the quality of my writing will be stronger if I am doing that because I do much better when I am really intensely focused on something.

I guess that is the plan :) Maybe today my blog did serve as sort of a journal! I am going to sign off right now and work on the final stages of prepping my novel for Kindle release (the research, the marketing, etc.) and I will keep you all updated on what the next phase will be...not sure if I feel more passionate about memoir or fiction after that, but I will let my heart decide when I am at that point...that's kind of the way of the writer, anyway! 

Cliches and Holidays

I'm not going to go too far into Thanksgiving because I am trying to keep this blog about writing and not about my day-to-day personal stuff, but I am still so excited about what a wonderful Thanksgiving I had, I just wanted to say that I hope you all had a day that was equally as beautiful, if not more.

It's funny because it's always easy to use holidays as milestones in our lives to think about where we were or what we were doing at that exact time the year prior or many years ago. At Thanksgiving last year, I remember telling everyone that I was almost finished writing a book. The funny thing is that as I was talking about it, I doubted in my own head whether I would ever actually finish writing it. In fact, I doubted my ability to write a novel all the way until I had finished my THIRD edit. It took that long for it to actually sink in that I had really done it. I kept thinking that after I turned each page, the rest of the pages would either be blank or not make sense or that something would be terribly wrong and that the book wouldn't actually be finished. 

Finally, after reading it three times and frankly, getting kind of sick of it, I finally accepted that I had written my first book :)

Anyway, so using last year as my gauge...to go from wondering whether or not I would ever even finish it and not knowing what I would do after that to where I am now is nothing short of a miracle for me. I've completed it, polished it and most importantly, I believe in it. I'm proud to send it to agents and publishers. I'm thrilled to tell people about it.  In fact, once you get me talking about it, it's hard for me to shut up about it (hard to believe from someone who was nicknamed "motormouth" that I would talk a lot about anything, I know). Last year, at Thanksgiving, I remember telling someone that my book was "nothing special" and that it was just "a regular fiction book that is ...I don't know...nothing really exciting...." In all fairness, that was before I wrote the awesome ending :) but it's just the fact that I wasn't willing to call myself a writer until now....which is a huge transformation (that will be part of my next book, or at least my memoir) and all of that is really exciting for me. 

When it comes down to it, the saying "what a difference a day makes" is certainly true...but the difference that three hundred and sixty five of them can make is pretty astounding!

Timely Words

It is strange, but I often get random song lyrics or just phrases (often quotes) in my head and while they seem random at first, they always apply to something I'm going through or need to hear at that point in my life. I'm not sure where they come from...maybe my subconscious, or maybe my conscious mind, I don't really know, but I will just be in the middle of something and in what feels like it came out of nowhere, I will hear the words loud and clear. Ironically, that is often how I write most of my best poetry as well. I just hear or even see the words as text in my head and I go write them down somewhere.

But yesterday, I had the experience where I heard lyrics and it was what I really needed to hear. It's kind of cool...it's almost like I have an internal therapist somewhere in there :) What won't come as much of a surprise, I'm sure, is that this and many of the other instances have been Stevie Nicks' lyrics. They aren't always, though. In fact, sometimes they are lyrics of songs I don't even like or quotes from people I don't even necessarily admire or respect, but I hear them when I need to hear them. It's a very strange phenomenon and I'm sort of flushing it out as I write it.

Often times, since I keep a journal, I will go and journal about the lyric/quote I heard/thought of and what it means to me at that point in my life. I didn't do that yesterday, but since I'm blogging now, I will just write it here...although I'm not going to elaborate on what it means because there is a fine line between what I will blog and what I keep in my journal (don't worry, I'm not keeping stuff from you guys, it's just that THAT stuff is going in the memoir!)

...anyway, the lyric was from Landslide and it was "Well I've been afraid of changin' cause I built my life around you..." and no, it's not about a relationship.